Then Tuesday rolls around. I really really hate turning guys down... I do it in a heartbeat without remorse, but still it's unpleasant. So I didn't... when I was asked to prom. (YAY!!!... that'd be sarcasm). It's not that I have anything against the guy, it's more the fact that I know he likes me and prom is usually "romantic" and "unforgettable" etc. I'd rather not waste such a wonderful night with someone I don't like, with a group of people I don't even know, and go when I'm not even excited about it. To be completely honest I'd much rather spend a night doing something fun with a guy I really liked, perhaps get coffee(himmmm not me, I'd get tea!) then go to a bookstore, buy each other our favorite books, go do something completely unplanned and spontaneous... a million times more than go to prom with a guy I didn't like with a group of people I don't know. Crazy? Maybe. So that was just blah. I have to give the guy props though, he knows I love poetry... and he hates it. (Hello first reason to never date a guy.. he hates it. Lame). But he wrote me a (really cheesy) poem asking me. He went way out of his comfort zone to try and impress me. Even though I don't like him, it really was impressive. But still, that's not enough. No spark, no excitement, no nothing. Just friends.
So Wednesday arrives and it was utterly painful. My science class was absolutely completely ridiculously hard. I was lost. But my friend Drew and I texted the whole time and it made it less painful. Haha he sits next to me :]. My teacher got really mad when we would talk, hence the texting. I honestly don't even remember what I did after class. The whole day was a blur. I know I did something Wednesday night, it wasn't church though. I was really irritated that I couldn't go to church. I like church. It's nice to be around (mostly) like minded people. Even if some are complete liars and fakes, the good genuine ones make it worth it.
Thursday came and it was wonderful. I love Thursdays. My teacher is one of my favorite people in the world. We didn't even do any "class" work. We watched an operetta called Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan. It's really amazing how incredibly talented all of the actors/actresses were. They danced, sang, and could actually act. This was made in the older days of course, my teacher thinks movies and acting have gone down hill. Then I had the afternoon to myself. I had a car and money to spend. Beautiful. I first went to Barnes and Noble (which is one of the most amazing places on the planet). I had a couple giftcards I had never used that I received on my birthday (months and months ago). I just haven't had an opportunity to go and browse without the hovering eyes of my parents. They get a bit stringent about... well everything. So I was free from their prying eyes. I ended up getting a "Christian" book. Still, it was nice to drive myself. I also bought my friend a book for his birthday. One of my absolute favorites. It gets weird at parts, but I overlook it because it get really funny at parts. I laughed out loud... while in church during a band practice every few pages... people kept giving me weird looks and asked me what I was reading. I would reply, "Umm.. this is church, I really highly doubt recommending this book to you would be a good idea." Yeah, not a good book to tell your completely innocent goody goody friends to read. I'm sorry. :P. Then I went to walmart to pick up a few things. Then I went shopping. That was fun. I went to Target (cheap and cute. Excellent) then this really cute small store called LA Fashion. I bought a dress that was half off. I sure love those sales. I'm not big on throwing money away haha. That night, nearly could have wrecked it. I tried calling that guy to tell him I couldn't go (ahh I felt completely terrible, I really did). But he didn't answer thank goodness. It felt weird calling him, why? I never call guys. Not even my best guy friend whose like a brother. Yes for homework and directions and such, but not just to chat. It's not that I don't like using the phone, because I LOVE talking to guys on the phone. They can just call me if they ever so please. I broke my "rule" of never calling guys once... it wasn't a disaster at all, in fact it was quite nice and we talked for hours. But even so, after that I decided I really really don't want to call guys first ever. Maybe it's old fashioned, but I'm okay with that. I have plenty of friends who would disagree, but I suppose that's what makes me different from them. Texting however is not as big of a deal. I'll text guys first every so often. Really I do keep my rule, this one guy I liked, and he liked mee (haha so over like a year ago) called me almost every night. I think of that few month span I called him only a couple times. I just don't prefer to be doing the calling. I guess it's exercising patience, because it really drives me insane. It's like they say on Star Wars, "Patience my young padawan." The price I pay for holding on to what I believe ;] I think it simplifies things so much for me. If I called guys I didn't like and were just friends... it might send the wrong signs, or if I called guys I did like that'd be me initiating, (No thanks!). Then of course there's the whole mixed signals thing. Ew. So boys can call me, and I like it that way. Sometimes boys are more fun to talk to than girls. But I think I intimidate some? Which cracks me up. I am sooo not intimidating in the least! Why in the world would I be intimidating?! Seriously I do not understand it. I'm not even kidding. Amber has tried to explain it to me but I really don't see how I would be intimidating. Maybe a little, but no more than the next girl. Oh well their loss not mine! So no, I do not call boys, thanks for wondering. But no.
Then Friday rolls around and I think I was home about a total of 2 (coherent waking) hours that day. I worked 6 hours, then went to a party because my old teacher was on Jeopardy. She won $19,000 and will be back on Monday. (3:30! Watch for the returning champ!). Then I rush home and pack my bags. I was off to my friend's house for the night. I had a blast. We went to the mall and shopped for a green shirt for her. We found a greaat one. Then we walked over and to the movie theater and saw Step Up 2. I loved it. We were disgusted by all the little slutty Jr. High girls. Honestly it's sickening and sad. They wore their ugg boots with sophie shorts riding up their butts. Gross. I don't understand why girls like to walk around half naked. Desperate much? I try and be modest, for multiple reasons not just one, but sometimes it all seems pointless when I'm 1 out of 20 who strives for modesty. Honestly is it even worth it? Perhaps not, perhaps so, but I really don't care what every one else thinks or is doing. It gets better, that guy called me back. Terrible terrible. I tell him as nice as I can I can't go (Oh yeahh.. My parents said I can't go... etc). Well he was cool about it, thankfully. But he said he'll call me when he gets home from vacation on spring break. Either he comprehends I want a platonic just friends friendship, or he still likes me. Who knows these things? Certainly not I. We then head home and crack each other up and talk for hours late into the night. Classic girl night if I ever heard one. Mall, movies, and a marvelously long chat. She's basically my twin and I finished her thoughts the whole night. It was so weird, but in a good way. Yet it was really annoying, I usually pack light when going somewhere... but I was going to a party Saturday so I haaad to bring all the extra junk and extra clothes. Boo. ;]. We slept in then traveled to Walmart to go print a picture of her and the guy whose party we were going to, (It's honestly one of the cutest pictures in the entire world!) They're like brother and sister and it's so sweet. Our other friend came over and we were hanging out before. Since the two of them are best friends with the guy we went over early to help his mom out with decorating and anything else. I'll spare you the details... I know I can drone on and on. Well the guy ends up being totally surprised! He jumps up and backward. A multitude of girls swarm him haha. I just kind of stood back letting them all trample him. No need to bombard the guy, besides they all know him a lot better than I do. Oh and my friend Danny sings and plays every instrument known to man and he was by the piano so I rushed over to listen to him. We were talking and he asked if I played anything. At first I didn't want to play anything so I was like ummm yeaah and walked away haha. I was drawn back the beautiful sounds of the piano soon enough. Then I sat down and he got me to play. I played a song called I Wasn't Prepared For This by Eisley. Oh if I could only play that instrument with such ease and grace as the others around me did. Beautiful. The cold smooth ivory keys slid beneath my fingers and it was electrifying. I'm going to throw more passion into my lessons from now on! To play! Ah, a dream I have. But singing, it's what I'm better at. Hopefully a lot better haha. It was kind of awkward when everyone was around, it's not that I have a problem playing in front of people. I've been on a big stage before. It's just at a party it felt weird to have attention on me. It was really a neat experience. Carlos and Caleb were on both sides me of playing along (The ones who were soo much better at playing piano.) When I finished I received the best compliment of the night from Carlos, or so I thought. He told me that if I kept singing I was going to make him cry! I was like aww oh my gosh! But no, he was outdone. Daniel (who the party was for) walks up and told I sang like an angel (or something to that effect). He wins for the best compliment of the night, possibly ever about my singing. Two sweet compliments back to back. Honestly I thought I did terrible. I played it so much better at Michelle's house. Sometimes a boy can just say the sweetest things that make me smile and I get embarrassed. It catches me off guard. I think when someone says something nice about my singing it means so much more than if they told me I was pretty or something about my outward appearance. All in all it was a really fun night. I had a really good time. Hopefully he did too, I mean his mom was so excited about it. It was so cute! She worked so hard to make it special. She was pretty excited about all the girls that were over too. At one point when Grace and Michelle and I were decorating our friend Andrew saw a spider and reaches up to squish it with his bare hands... ew! I hate spiders! We all scream and it's so high pitched! I think it was a very very foreign sound to the guys of the house hahaha :].
By the time I arrived home I was exhausted from the weekend. But of course I couldn't fall asleep for hours. It had to be 2 or 3. Wonderful. So now today, Sunday, I'm really tired and I just got home from church. It was good. But I can't explain it... I felt estranged from it all this morning. Disconnected even. The old hymns the very straight forward preaching (which is excellent don't get me wrong, truth the guest speaker spoke it). But the small old fashion vibe of it. It feels as if I'm stepping back in time there. I feel out of place with my hair clothes and makeup. I tend to dress a little out there sometimes. Not like a little southern baptist girl. I wore a dress today though. But even more than all that. Perhaps I'm terrible but church just has changed in a sense for me these past few months. I'm really exhausted of it honestly. I've been to three churches in the past year (that we stayed at... that's not even counting the ones we VISITED... oh goodness). The last one was amazing. I'm one of those people who dive in head first into everything. I love participating and helping out in any way I can. I love to be involved. I led worship at the last church. I was a youth group leader. Then the rug was pulled our from under me... again. New church, new faces. No youth group. Literally. So what am I supposed to be doing? I do nothing but sit and spout off the answers like rapid fire. Oh why does it all feel so distant to me now? I feel more at home in my own room sitting on my bed reading the word for myself and talking to my best friend/accountability partner than being at church. It's so strange.
This has to be the most random of all posts. You know I was thinking about how completely pointless this blog is. It really is. But I'm ok with that. I write and put stuff in here for me. Not so others can see it. I like going back and reading what I was thinking that day.
Oh and remember how I said in the last post I was something to happen to make me smile? Well something did! :] But I won't tell you what. Because secrets make life more interesting! Actually one thing that made me smile was seeing Step Up 2, the guy is completely gorgeous. But he's fake. Just a character, an actor. One of these days a real life guy will come along. One of these days.
So to sum up my week of weirdness/off-ness it was a terribly great week. Terrible the first half, great the second half. Let's see how this week goes. I'll be working a lot, so who knows. Maybe something fun and unexpected will happen to make me smile :]. Until next time... and I promise the next one will be shorter ;]
3 comments:
I can't even put this feeling into words, maybe its wonder, awe. To say that I'm mystified would be an understatement. Why are you so interesting?
By the way, I meant that compliment. You DO sing like an angel. I'm glad you had fun at the party as well. You know I sure did.
Sorry, that was me.
If I answered that, wouldn't that in turn make me less interesting and who I am less appealing? I'll let you unravel the mystery yourself, if you really care to.
:] That really does mean a lot to me. And I had a great time. I'm glad you did too.
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