Let's make a list:
1. I won't ever date him.
2. He won't ever see past this hiccup.
3. I don't even know if we'll ever be best friends again.
4. Never say forever because that dissolves faster than you say "Wait, what?"
5. I have a feeling all my friends at Houston Northwest will get along just fine with out me.
6. I was there for a season, a season of great joy. But seasons change.
7. I miss them all like crazy but they don't even know.
8. Although I backtrack and say I miss certain things... I still wouldn't date him anyways.
9. I don't want to date anyone right now... especially Josh (josh is not the he... he's a guy who is not the one I've been referring too... get it?). If he wants to hang out great I will. But just because he's one of the hottest guys I know doesn't mean I'll date him.
10. It's hard to go forward when the past still feels like the present but instead the present turns into the past and now we go on to the future (haha did you get that?!)
11. I can't keep I wishing so I won't.
12. We aren't friends really, but I know in random sporadic moments in time we can have some good meaningful talks. Not like we used to.
13. Once he gets a gf I'll feel much better.
14. Things are weird and my friendships are shifting. It's something I like and dislike all at once.
15. I was reading over old messages and I came across the ones between Evan and I(another different guy... geez too many guys in my life for real.). and I realized he did like me and I really did screw it up.
16. I kind of push away every guy that wants to come near me.
17. I realize that the only guy that will ever be right for me is the one who pushes back and fights for me.
18. Right now no guy fits the criteria.
19. I'm terrified of the future only because I keep looking at the past and I expect repeats. Why?
20. I have a problem with being open and honest except in dumb blogs that only limited people can see.
1. I won't ever date him.
2. He won't ever see past this hiccup.
3. I don't even know if we'll ever be best friends again.
4. Never say forever because that dissolves faster than you say "Wait, what?"
5. I have a feeling all my friends at Houston Northwest will get along just fine with out me.
6. I was there for a season, a season of great joy. But seasons change.
7. I miss them all like crazy but they don't even know.
8. Although I backtrack and say I miss certain things... I still wouldn't date him anyways.
9. I don't want to date anyone right now... especially Josh (josh is not the he... he's a guy who is not the one I've been referring too... get it?). If he wants to hang out great I will. But just because he's one of the hottest guys I know doesn't mean I'll date him.
10. It's hard to go forward when the past still feels like the present but instead the present turns into the past and now we go on to the future (haha did you get that?!)
11. I can't keep I wishing so I won't.
12. We aren't friends really, but I know in random sporadic moments in time we can have some good meaningful talks. Not like we used to.
13. Once he gets a gf I'll feel much better.
14. Things are weird and my friendships are shifting. It's something I like and dislike all at once.
15. I was reading over old messages and I came across the ones between Evan and I(another different guy... geez too many guys in my life for real.). and I realized he did like me and I really did screw it up.
16. I kind of push away every guy that wants to come near me.
17. I realize that the only guy that will ever be right for me is the one who pushes back and fights for me.
18. Right now no guy fits the criteria.
19. I'm terrified of the future only because I keep looking at the past and I expect repeats. Why?
20. I have a problem with being open and honest except in dumb blogs that only limited people can see.
I look back and smile. Oh I love looking back at my thoughts. Honestly that guy, the one you don't know who I'm talking about ;], was a swell fellow. But still I wouldn't have gone back in time and dated him. Nope. I laughed when I reread 20. Toooo true. And 16 17 18 and 19 all made me stop and think. Habit. Push them away and no hurt. Good philosophy, if you want to be alone forever. I sure don't. But honestly I've yet to find a guy who I like that fits the criteria. What is the criteria? Look at 17. That's just a faint whisper of the real criteria. Guys, as macho as they are, lack in the really good qualities. Real men are hard to come by. I know I joke about guys having big egos and I put them in their place... but I really don't mean it like that. There's a difference between having an inflated ego and macho attitude and being a real man. Not to mention 9 is entirely wrong now haha. Then yes, now no. Yes, I turn guys down, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. It means the one I want to hasn't come along yet.
I love lists. They are quite excellent. I enjoyed reading this one and laughing at myself then thinking about other things.
I love lists. They are quite excellent. I enjoyed reading this one and laughing at myself then thinking about other things.
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