Fate Really Hates Me

I have a hunch that fate hates me.

Why do the wrong things always happen and the right things never happen? Why?

This is not me being cocky, because trust me, this problem I'm about to tell you about I'd much rather not have it.

I feel terrible. I wish I had stuck to my old philosophy on how to handle the problem. I used to just ignore it and force myself to be oblivious. I would even tell myself that I was ridiculous and I was only flattering myself. I even used to go as far as to say to think such things was just being vain. But it was all to no avail. It's happened more than once. It's not just coincidence if it happens several times.

For some reason when I DON'T like guys they are always the ones to like me. When ever I purposefully not flirt and just be friendly.. well it tends to make them flirt more. Sigh. I don't understand boys. Fact, I used to think I was terrible at reading signs when in all reality, I read them just fine. When guys liked me I always just assumed it was a mistake on my judgment, not because I thought I was hideous... but because I just hoped they didn't. (I'm crazy in case you haven't figure this out by now). I just don't like dealing with guys beyond friendship, it only complicates things. So why am I all of a sudden posting a blog about this? I'll tell you why.

There's this guy I met at camp last summer. We never became good friends. It was fine, none of the liking stuff to complicate it. Then a few months later he started flirting and I could tell he was starting to like me... so being the mean person I am I slowly distanced myself from him. I didn't want another Jon dilemma. So it worked. It's because I'm a genius, what can I say ;]. Then I stopped going to that church. Even better, I got away from that boy craziness. Ok I really am not being cocky, but I noticed that when new girls start coming to a church guys tend to pay attention to the new girl. I noticed this at my old old church, (when I was NOT the new girl). Then I became the new girl. Drat. It was annoying. I didn't have any good girl friends for a while because I always ended up sitting with guys. But I didn't flirt with them and let the attention go to my head, why? Because I figured having every girl pissed off at me wasn't a good idea. Plus a new girl was bound to come sooner or later. Of course it never happened when I was there that short year, I always had the new girl label on me. And in turn, since I was the new girl, I had to let it soak into my skull, that I'm not being stupid when I think guys like me. It happened, a lot. So I soon realized I'm better at picking up signs than I thought. I had to nicely in a subtle way let these guys know I didn't want to date ANY of them. Well it worked for the most part. OH MY GOSH, but guys are so weird, when you don't flirt with them, and you purposely ignore them and you don't give them attention... it makes them only flirt with you more and hang around you more. What the crap? I remember this one guy who was really attractive, and every girl flirted with him relentlessly. I was pretty much the only girl who didn't just flirt with him and call him hot and hang around him all the time. We actually were pretty good friends. But of course soon he started paying attention to me and flirting and I was like AH just freaking go away. He's kind of a manwhore and finds the slutty girls and dates them then breaks up with them like a month later. No thanks, I don't like boys like that. Darn, I'm getting off track. So I learned a great skill after going to that church, I learned how to figure out when guys like me. I really used to be terrible at figuring that kind of stuff out. I still kind of am.

So back to the guy who I met last summer. Well we hadn't talked in a while, and I sent a mass text out on Valentines day (Happy unimaginative consumerist-oriented, entirely arbitrary and shallow interpretation of romance day). I thought everyone should enjoy my excellent name for it. Well after that he started texting me and kept saying let's hang out. Well I'm like sweet, just a buddy thing. No of course not. Fate hates me and the wrong guys always like me. So he called me a few times before we actually hung out. Which is fine I love talking on the phone. Then we hung out and played rock band for hours at my house. It was fun. But he kept flirting, and not just the fun flirting, it was like I could tell he kind of liked me flirting. The annoying kind. And of course I didn't flirt back. Which of course led to more flirting on his end. Why is it like that? When I ignore flirting it tends to drive guys crazy? That's stupid. So my brother is hanging out with us too, and it's just kind of weird. Then my brother leaves and it's just us. Cool, fine no problem. Then when he leaves he's all like "That was so fun let's hang out again... soon!" I'm thinking greeeat. I really like him as a friend, don't get me wrong. It's just I hate when guys like me and then when they figure out I don't like them they stop talking to me for whatever reason. The whole reason I don't flirt and I stay platonic and friendly is to maintain a friendship, not let it go down the drain when your freaking ego is hurt. Geez. So of course after he leaves he begins texting me. Asking questions, about me. And of course ever since he's been pushing to hang out allllll the time. His party is sat and I'm prob going. But he wants to hang out before then. I don't want tooo, not one on one. In a group sure, but he doesn't get that.

Why must guys insist on being absolutely stupid? I mean the way they only like girls more when ever she doesn't give them attention. Bah. Maybe I should flirt like crazy with the guys who do like me... that way they get sick of me. Oh wait that's called leading someone on and I don't do that.

In the end fate really must hate me. The right guys NEVER freaking want to hang out. All the wrong guys push to hang out all the freaking time. It's a rule of thumb in my life, if Leah ever actually likes a guy it's a known fact he will never like her back. But then every other guy who she is not interested in in the least likes her. This is how it's worked, generally. I mean sure here and there, there have been a few guys I liked and we "talked" and yadda yadda. But seriously, there has to be a red light beeping above my head and the annoying mosquito-like guys are a attracted, then all the good guys hate the red beeping light.

My life is so frustrating sometimes.

Good thing most guys in high school aren't even worth a second glance so I don't have to worry about dating anyways. It's so nice. But I still have to worry about turning them down. Crap. I hate that. I hate making guys feel bad, or anyone in general. Maybe I should just stop showering fixing my hair and make up and I should start wearing hideous clothes. Then perhaps the problem will go away. Too bad I love my clothes... and my hair. I can't think of any good solutions. Maybe I can get in an accident and get my face smashed so I'm really really ugly instead of how I look now! But wait, when ever a really attractive guy I DO like comes along.. then I'm screwed.

Fate really hates me. And I hate guys. Stupid games I must play to evade them. Stupid idiotic high school boys. Stupid me. Stupid me for occasionally actually liking the wrong ones. Stupid everything.

I'm so annoyed. Ah speak of the devil... he just texted me and got the hint. The hint that I CAN'T hang out Wednesday because I have class and I'm going to get my license and then I have homework to do if I want to go to church that night, if I get a ride.

Am I crazy?

Yes.

Why do you think I rarely every like guys? Thank goodness for you Amber because you are exactly like me in this area. I might go crazy if it was just me. But I know it's not all in my head.

Oh dear right guy, where are you? Non-existent?

Fate really hates me.

----Edit----

Umm ok. Haha so apparently I'm a big flirt? That's what Gracie says. I of course denied it. I am not as big of a flirt as I used to be. Then it hit me, I am so oblivious to guys and I only recently figured out when to spot when guys like me... that I must flirt subconsciously. It's like second nature. The only time I don't is when I purposely don't flirt. Which I do when I know a guy likes me and I don't like him.

And another thing, I KNOW that guy likes me bc he just asked me to go to a costume party... matching with him. I don't even want to dress up period. Let alone match the guy.

Ahhhhh. My life. It almost makes me want to not go on Sat. But... then he'll just keep asking to hang out one on one. Seriously, how do you turn a guy down and still be friends? I can't figure out the last part. I've had my share of turning guys down, NICELY at that, and yet they all are douches who decide to not be friends anymore.

Guys are so weird.

Or I'm just weird.