"Church" Issue

You know, I'm really really sick and tired of playing church "hop scotch". That's just what I call it. What do I mean? Ever since The Met was handed over to the lying dogs who chose to muddy the church name, we've been searching for a church. We've been to a couple churches. Of course the only one my dad has liked is the really small old fashioned baptist church. I think it's because it's "safe". Safe meaning the mega churches with their big plans that don't include God and their million dollar budgets haven't fully soaked into this church. I still am not a big fan of this church.

I think it's just church in general. The way my parents are, the things they do, the things they say, it just makes me grow sick and tired of it. Americanized Christianity makes me sick. I know a lot of people who crack Osteen jokes, "God wants to bless you," and they say it in the sweet melodic soft toned voice of his. Sickening. Sure he's a good man, but he doesn't preach truth. God wants to bless you, biggest lie of our time. Jesus said it's a hard road, look at the apostles. God does bless, but he does it when he wants and when it's a part of his plan... and he blesses those who obey him. Yeah, I look around and it's a far cry from people obeying him. Let's all pray to God Sundays and Wednesdays, but when you're in school, around your friends, at work, Jesus who? Let's make dirty jokes, use profanity, lie, cheat, and hate. We have great morals, don't you think? I think what gets me is the hypocrites. It's all a big joke. "Pray and ask Jesus into you heart," is yet another crazy notion. It doesn't say that in the bible. There is this great guy, Paul Washer, who is phenomenal. If there was a church with a guy like him any where near where I lived, I'd go in a heart beat. Speak truth. I'm sick of Christianity. Not as in I'm sick of Christ, because I know there are born again truly saved believers, but sick of the liars, the fakes.

Many preachers are lying filthy sons of motherless dogs. Yep, I said it. Liars. It's about the money, it's about the numbers, it's about anything but glorifying the name of Christ. Spiritually, our country is in a detrimental state. Do you see the wolves in sheep's clothing all around? Point a gun to someone's head and tell them they have 5 seconds to denounce Christ or die, in our country, how many do you think would denounce him? We're blindsided by our "American Dream". We've got material wealth up to our ears. We are so blind and we don't even know it.

Maybe that's why I have such an issue with church. I can't explain it. But I think I ticked my dad off last night when I told him I don't know if I'll even go to church when I'm in college. He was like yes you will! And I was thinking, and whose going to make me? You? Ha. The man thinks he can control my future. I'd rather read the unadultered truth for myself than have someone else give me his/her version of what they read and what it meant to them. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people have good things to say... but with my dad breathing down my neck to continually be wise and be able to discern who the "seekers" are... I'm getting a bit tired of always back tracking and wondering who is lying to me today in church. Hassle.

Maybe I'm a terrible person. Maybe I'm a doubting Thomas. Maybe I'm sick of falsified doctrines. Maybe even with all my parents teachings (more like parrot like repeatings from when I was young) I still don't buy it all. Maybe it's my dad because he has this high and mighty persona about him. In a spiritually dead country... it's really really pressing upon my mind. Maybe I'm just sick of lies. Truth anyone? Feed me, but if I question what you're handing me.. oh no that's not allowed. You think my pessimism is just rooted towards guys, nope. It's not that I doubt Christ and what he did for me, I doubt his so called body. I think we'll be surprised who's going to be in heaven and who isn't. I don't even hold all my parents personal beliefs, I think that really bothers them. But my little sister, she takes everything they say as the ultimate source of factual holy truth. She spouts off what they say in a parrot-like mimic-y way that drives me up the wall. I constantly ask her why she says something and she never knows what to say, I am always telling her to get her facts and find out why she believes something before she starts to announce it to anyone who will listen. Find out why, she only half listens to me. As for me? Sorry folks, I'll seek it out myself.

I'm not sorry, I do doubt. I doubt the foundations of our church. Not the ultimate foundation, Christ. I'm sick of this facade most churches have. I'm sick of playing the church charade. I can spout of every church-y answer there is. We were watching home videos the other day and it had to be when I was about 4 or 5. My brother was about 6 then, and my two little sisters were in it too (2 and 3). My mom is chasing us with the camera and asking us questions, how's our day? What are we doing? Who holds the earth? Who made you? What? She always implanted in our heads Christian truths. Good truths. I didn't want to say anything, but my sister Hannah did. She said, "Wow mom you really brain washed us good when we were little." Hmm. Parrot like teachings. Christian beliefs are good, but it's ultimately a choice. My sister Dinah grew up pretending, doubting. She didn't even confess her sins and profess Christ as her Lord and Saviour until the second time she had cancer. Not first, not even when facing a death scare. She was healed... in remission, then she went to the hospital and believed in Christ before the results even came back saying she had cancer again. Even growing up in a Christianized environment. Crazy.

But really, I'm sick of church. Americanized Christianity. Fakes. Liars. Hypocrites.

Since only a couple of you read this, and you won't know who I'm referring to, ok well maybe Amber, I'll go ahead and say this. One of my best friends, God knows I love her, is such a hypocrite. She claims she got "saved" two years ago. Her life turned around.. at first. I'll never be one to say whether or not she's saved, but even the bible says "You'll know them by their fruits." She's a bit of a slut, literally. She says and does things I'd never in a million years ever do, even if I wasn't a "Christian." (And I hate the Christian label, here in America, the label is is a wide umbrella and they even include Mormons and Jehovah's witnesses etc etc.) How in the world can you ever claim such a title then drag it through the mud? I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I'm not.

This country, this world, these churches just sicken me. I'm just tired of the lies. Tired of the half truths. Tired of this state were in. I'm sick of smiling at church and telling them what they want to hear. I'm sick and tired, but can you blame me? Don't answer that.

And I'm happy to announce you didn't even get the full unleashing of this church stuff, because, like most of my thoughts, I still have yet to master the art of eloquently writing and saying everything that is stored up there, yearning to be free.