"I don't trust people in general, or their motives."
"Ok so give us your passwords to everything."
Hmm. Great way to gain trust. Force a girl to give her private information and expect her to trust your intentions. Of course I won't! I'll questions every ones motives EVERY time. Especially when you want my passwords to things you don't even know anything about.
Of course their first assumption was, what are you trying to hide? My answer was NOTHING. I'm sorry I just don't want you up in my business because I know you'll conjure up false assumptions (it's what they do best) about my friends. Of course he claims he's never gone into any of my other siblings emails or accounts, which may or may not be true. His reason is if the Holy Spirit leads him to go read my stuff.. he will. Which honestly there is no reason "the Holy Spirit" would tell him to go read my stuff. He means if there is something bad on it God will tell him. Which there never has been nor will there ever be. I'm not stupid like my sisters who take drunken pictures nor do I use profanity nor do I put up those absolutely slutty Halloween pictures up. I don't because I don't do things like that. Which they aren't terrible people, they all have their areas where they just don't stop to think about what image they're portraying.
I have a big trust issue. My parents worsen it. Then of course everything is my fault. "Leah you need to trust me." Why? and they always say, "Because we're your parents." Please. I don't just hand out my trust with and IOU on it, hey trust me now and I'll give you reason enough later! No thanks. Why would I trust someone who interrupts me, puts me down, doesn't give my opinion a second glance, who continually tells me I'm a mere child with no brains and I must follow his every whim, who refuses to listen to me when I'm right and he knows it, who takes my passwords, who grounds me without reason, who grounds me based on ridiculous reasons, etc etc etc.
What about siblings who lie and promise not to tell your parents something, or siblings who lie just in general. What about "best" friends who swear not to tell anyone something but it slips out? Or what about guys who promise never to hurt you? People are so full of it. I've developed this built in BS meter. Yep, you are BSing me and don't think I don't know it. Just like that lady at the photography studio. Just like how I did Christian History and now I'm doing History at a Public College and they differ tremendously. She will skip what she wants, she will give you her opinion, and if you don't know the truth she will bamboozle you. Not me. There are just so many shady people in this world I wonder why my head hasn't exploded. I was at the bank yesterday getting something notarized. I have the SAT's tomorrow and I have no student ID (Don't have my license yet either). So while we're there this girl, who looks about the age of 20, is inside for the same time block as us. Her car gets broken into. Our car is the one NEXT to hers. Why hers and not ours? She went inside because the ATM was broken and it wouldn't let her put $800 cash in. It was stolen. The bank right outside my neighborhood for crying out loud! No, actually it's technically still in my neighborhood. It's off Highway 6 and Longenbough. When I get back in the driver's seat these shady looking Mexicans are staring at me. My initial thought is, creepers. Mexicans stare at me a lot and it's kind of unnerving. And it's generally sick. Why must they stare? Then I transition into... why are the standing behind the truck next to the girl's car which was broken into? Their windows were down ALL the way down. Then they slowly back up and sit behind the truck when they see me staring right back (Yeah, I'll stare back and make YOU uncomfortable, how do you like that!) Then I mention to my mom how shady they're acting and she walks back in and talks to the Manager and says maybe he wants to ask if they "Saw anything suspicious." Implying maybe they saw who broke into it... or maybe THEY'RE guilty. Just throwing that out there. They looked illegal if you ask me. Illegal immigrants are in need of money, hm ding ding I think we have a winner.
I'm kind of in a bad mood right now.
So since I'm living in this world it's only natural not to trust an human being. Of course I have faith and trust in my Saviour, but he was fully God as well as fully man. So no worries there.
Perhaps I have a face of a girl who believes anything that is told to me. Perhaps I look like gullible. Perhaps since I have a good sense of fashion people assume it means I'm an airhead. Perhaps since I don't look like I would have brains people assume I don't. This reminds me of a story. This of course will be the short rendition of it considering I already write too much. I used to be really preppy, I wore Hollister American Eagle and Abercrombie and such. I have always talked to everyone regardless of their dress or outer appearance. I went on a girls retreat once with my old church, a CHURCH function for crying out loud. All my friends had already paired up seats, (I was running late). So I sit next to a girl I had never met and immediately strike up a conversation. We end up having a blast and chat the whole way and laugh and have a good time. Normal stuff. A few months later we've become good friends. Of course I haven't mentioned appearances to you because they don't matter to me. But she was a bit on the heavy side, she had glasses, she was reallly emo and her hair was a bit frizzy. Then consider me with the long blond (at the time) girl who wore hollister. Would you think we would be friends? Most people wouldn't think so. So she then went on to tell me that when I sat next to her she really didn't want to sit next to me. Since I have a different mindset of most I'm thinking, aww why not? She then goes on to tell me that she thought I looked like a bitchy girl who would ignore her the whole time. She judged, not me. That was the day it hit me like a ton of bricks that even though I'm an oddly nice person to everyone I meet, they'll still judge me. So I have the appearance of a bitch. Or did. With my ever changing hair styles and my more indie look I'm sure my "bitchiness" has softened in peoples eyes. But still. So the point is people sometimes assume I am an air headed girl like everyone else. That drives me nuts. I'm pretty sure I'm a far cry of being "normal" or "cliche".
I've barely even touched my whole trust issue thing. I will in the next blog. I promise. Which may not be for another week or so. I may or may not be grounded.
"Oh no Leah! What have you done now?"
You want to know? You want a peak into how absolutely ridiculous my parents can be? No. But I'll tell you anyways. Yesterday my dad wanted an extra free ticket to see a movie. I'm in the middle of posting a blog, which is tied into my email. I tell him he can send it to my email and I'll print it for him. He's like ok do it now. I drop everything I'm doing in a heartbeat. He's my dad, anything slower than that and I'm rebelling, (seriously). So I get off the laptop and get on his computer. I pull up my email and he sent the wrong email. He goes ok minimize it. I go well I'm on the other computer in the middle of something so I signed out. All hell broke loose. He starts yelling at me asking what I have to hide (Thus the start of this blog). I say nothing. Then that's when he demands me passwords to everything. Then he tells me because I disobeyed him (by signing out instead of minimizing) I'm grounded from the computer. Then this leads to an hour discussion of obedience and such.
I honestly think my parents grab at straws when trying to get me in trouble. I got grounded for signing out of my email for crying out loud! My dad even admitted to this. He said that since I barely do anything wrong it always surprises him when I do anything remotely close to bad. Then he yells being so surprised. I don't cuss, I don't drink, I don't sneak out, I don't party, I don't sleep around, I'm not a slut, I'm not disrespectful, I don't lie, I don't do any of that stuff. My best friend calls me a catalog daughter, meaning the kind of daughter people would mail in for because I never do anything bad and I never talk back to my parents. But of course I'm not perfect. They just find the stupidest reasons to ground me. It's really irritating.
Long blog. Long venting session. Long over due. Tune in next time for a full blown "Why Leah doesn't trust people!" issue!
So yes. I may or may not be grounded. I already have my phone back. (That was an intense grounding. *Sarcasm* would you expect anything less of me?) So if I don't blog for a week that is why.
Hopefully I'm not grounded for an extended amount of time.
P.S. Hey! Guess what! You are definitely beginning to understand why this blog is called "Incessancy" aren't you? This blog was like a mile long.
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