Ohh look what I stumbled upon

This particular blog post was saved as a draft. I don't know why I didn't post it. I wrote it as one of my first blogs. It would have been posted on 2.5.08

It's a deep pity and a waste... about the amount of time I actually have Love on my mind. Ridiculous? Yes it is. Perhaps it's because I've never been in love myself. Things you don't have you want even more. The ones out of reach just make you reach harder. Well I'm not reaching. I won't reach. I'll want, but I won't reach. For if I'm reaching what image does that display? I'm not the one to pursue. I think this is why many many of the guys I have liked and "talked" with ended. They didn't really understand the concept of pursuing. I'm sick and tired of this world. I'm in the middle of watching A Knights Tale, and it's just so depressing. Guys don't prove their love like that these days.

This is why I'll end up an old maid. And alone.

I set my standards high, I expect more than guys are used to. I don't settle (ha anymore).

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

That's what love is. Yet in so many peoples lives I don't see that kind of love. I look around at my friends relationships (well... some), I see my sisters' college friends and their relationships. Shallow. It isn't near what the above states. With so many false connotations of love floating around, what am I supposed to expect?

If what I see is truly all there is to love, I don't know if I want to fall in love. I will only be satisfied with the deepest truest and most trusting love of all.

With "I love you" spewing out of teens mouths like rapid fire, it's kind of sickening. They don't know what love is. Sex is love. Or at least that's what our culture tells us. There's more too it than that, it's definitely a great part of it, but just part. What is love? Will I find it?

You know, even though I look for more in a guy, I still am a bit shallow. I honestly couldn't like a guy who I wasn't attracted to. If I'm going to date someone he definitely HAS to be hot. And I mean I'm not super ugly so it's not impossible. I'm pretty pretty right? Yep. But hopefully some guy will think I'm pretty, but he'll look beyond that and love me for who I am, what my heart is, what I have to say.

And I definitely will never date an idiot. I'd probably shoot myself. Ah. I'm one for stimulating conversation, a nice banter of words. And not just a guy who talks a lot, a guy with substance, a guy with more on his mind than making a "that's what she said" joke every 5 seconds. But of course, an uptight fellow wouldn't be good at all. Ha, I laugh at those jokes... but yeah. A good conversationalist who is witty, sarcastic, and makes great jokes :]

I want to know that no matter what in the world, I can trust that guy. I have a really big issue with trust... so whatever happens whatever love is, trust is a huge MUST. I can never love someone if I couldn't trust them. I want an honest relationship. I want the kind of love that even in silence the passion is deafening. I want to just simply be able to look in his eyes and know beyond a shadow of a doubt he's willing to do anything he possibly can for me, and for him to look me in the eyes and know the same. (Of course anything I say, it's implied it would all be returned towards him)

I wrooote this at the beginning of February. I didn't "finish" it, simply because I wrote it so long ago. Well, longish. Haha so yeah, hopefully I really don't end up an old maid :P. I had fun reading this! Haha :]